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2011 NFL Predictions

2011-09-08T17:20:00.002-04:00

AFC East: NE, NYJ*, MIA, BUF
AFC North: PIT, BAL*, CLE, CIN
AFC South: HOU, IND, TEN, JAX
AFC West: SD, KC, DEN, OAK

AFC East: PHI, DAL, NYG, WAS
AFC North: GB, MIN*, DET, CHI
AFC South: NO, TB*, ATL, CAR
AFC West: STL, ARI, SF, SEA

SB: PIT over PHI

NFL predictions

2008-09-06T23:22:00.002-04:00

AFC East: NE*, NYJ, Buffalo, Miami
AFC North: Cleveland*, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Cincinnatti
AFC South: Jacksonville*, Indianapolis*, Tennessee, Houston
AFC West: San Diego*, Denver*, Kansas City, Oakland

NFC East: Dallas*, Philadelphia*, NYG, Washington
NFC North: Minnesota*, Green Bay, Detroit, Chicago
NFC South: New Orleans*, Carolina*, Tampa Bay, Atlanta
NFC West: Arizona*, Seattle, St Louis, San Francisco

Super Bowl: NE over Dallas

NFL week 16 predictions

2007-12-22T21:08:00.000-05:00

Colts (-7) over Texans
Bills (+3) over Giants
Buccaneers (-6) over 49ers

last week: 1-2
overall: 19-24-2

NFL Week 15 predictions

2007-12-15T17:17:00.000-05:00

Saints (-4) over Cardinals
Colts (-11) over Raiders
Giants (-5) over Redskins

Last Week: 2-1
Overall: 18-22-2

nfl week 14 predictions

2007-12-09T12:49:00.000-05:00

Bills (-7) over Dolphins
Seahawks (-7 1/2) over Cardinals
Steelers (+ 10 1/2 ) over Patriots

last week 3-0
overall 16-21-2

NFL week 13 predictions

2007-12-01T18:11:00.000-05:00

Vikings (-4) over Lions
Seahawks (+3) over Eagles
Steelers (-7) over Bengals

Last Week 2-1
overall: 13-21-2

nfl week 12 predictions

2007-11-24T15:43:00.000-05:00

Browns (-3 1/2) over Texans
Buccaneers (-3) over Redskins
Patriots (- 24 1/2) over Eagles

last week: 1-2
overall: 11-20-2

NFL Week 11 predictions

2007-11-17T16:04:00.000-05:00

Buccaneers (-3) over Falcons
Saints (pick) over Texans
Titans (+2) over Broncos

Last Week: 2-1
Overall : 10-18-2

nfl week 10 predictions

2007-11-10T14:19:00.000-05:00

Panthers (-4) over Falcons
Eagles (+3) over Redskins
Bears (-3 1/2) over Raiders

Last Week 0-3
Overall 8-17-2

nfl week 9 predictions

2007-11-03T13:45:00.000-04:00

Redskins (-4) over Jets
Seahawks (+1 1/2) over Browns
Eagles (+3) over Cowboys

last week:1-2
overall:8-14-2

nfl week 8 predictions

2007-10-27T13:12:00.000-04:00

Rams (+3) over Browns
Saints (-3) over 49ers
Bears (-5 1/2) over Lions

Last Week 0-2-1
Overall 7-12-2

NFL week 7 predictions

2007-10-20T16:40:00.000-04:00

Buccaneers (+ 2 1/2) over Lions
Vikings (+10) over Cowboys
Ravens (-3) over Bills

Last Week: 1-1-1
Overall: 7-10-1

nfl week 6 predictions

2007-10-14T11:43:00.000-04:00

Bengals (-3) over Chiefs
Eagles (-4 1/2) over Jets
Titans (+3) over Buccaneers

Last Week: 1-2
Overall: 6-9

NFL Week 5 predictions

2007-10-06T23:21:00.000-04:00

Redskins (-3 1/2) over Lions
Ravens (- 3 1/2) over 49ers
Titans ( - 8 1/2) over Falcons

last week: 0-3
overall: 5-7

NFL WEEK 4 Predictions

2007-09-29T14:25:00.000-04:00

Bears (-3) over Lions
Panthers (-3) over Buccaneers
Texans (-3) over Falcons

Last Week 1-2
Overall 5-4

NFL WEEK 3 predictions

2007-09-23T14:29:00.000-04:00

Panthers (-4 1/2) over Falcons
Redskins (-4) over Giants
Saints (-4) over Titans

Last Week: 1-2
Overall: 4-2

Week2 NFL predictions

2007-09-15T20:05:00.000-04:00

Panthers (-7) over Texans
Vikings (+3 1/2) over Lions
Chargers (+4) over Patriots

Last Week: 3-0

NFL Week 1 predictions

2007-09-09T13:32:00.000-04:00

Steelers (-6) over Browns
Vikings (-3) over Falcons
Cowboys (-6 1/2) over Giants

2007 NFL Predictions

2007-09-04T19:01:00.000-04:00

AFC East: NE*, Buffalo, NYJ, Miami
AFC North: Pittsburgh*, Cincinatti*, Baltimore, Cleveland
AFC South: Indianapolis*, Jacksonville*, Tennessee, Houston
AFC West: San Diego*, Denver, KC, Oakland

NFC East: Philadelphia*, Dallas, Washington, NYG
NFC North: Chicago*, GB, Minnesota, Detroit
NFC South: Carolina*, New Orleans*, TB, Atlanta
NFC West: St Louis*, Seattle*, SF, Arizona

SB: New England over Carolina

Initial Bracket Thoughts

2007-03-11T21:30:00.000-04:00

The team that has the biggest gripe is Drexel. Most people would say Syracuse, but since the Dragons beat the Orange in Syracuse, you cant put them ahead of Drexel. And I see no logical reason how Stanford can get in ahead of Air Force. AFA is much better quantitively (#30 RPI vs. Stanford's #65) and they took Stanford to the shed at their gym when they face head to head.

As far as the seedings, the committee seemed to give a lot of love to the PAC-10 (Wash St., USC)and SEC (Tennessee, Vandy) teams, and not enough to the mid-majors like the MVC and MWC. I guess this isnt much of a surprise, but given what George Mason did, I was hoping theyd be more progressive in their thinking. Especially since SIU and UNLV were top-10 in the RPI, and Creighton and BYU were in the RPI top-20. And dont get me started about Niagara having to go in the play-in game.

Off-hand, the sleepers I see are VCU, Winthrop, Creighton, and the team that upsets Washington State.

Bracketology Predictions

2007-03-11T17:24:00.000-04:00

East

1North Carolina
16Cent Conn. St.

8Villanova
9Michigan St.

5BYU
12Drexel

4Texas
13Albany

6Boston College
11Winthrop

3Oregon
14Penn

7Butler
10Vanderbilt

2Georgetown
15Niagara

South

1Florida
16North Texas

8Indiana
9VCU

5Washington St.
12Davidson

4Maryland
13GW

6Nevada
11ODU

3Pittsburgh
14Texas AM-CC

7Virginia
10Texas Tech

2Wisconsin
15Belmont

Midwest

1Ohio St.
16FAMU/Jack. St.

8Kentucky
9Xavier

5Creighton
12Air Force

4Notre Dame
13Wright St.

6Marquette
11Georgia Tech

3Texas AM
14Oral Roberts

7USC
10Purdue

2Memphis
15Eastern Ky.

West

1Kansas
16Weber St.

8Duke
9Arizona

5Louisville
12Holy Cross

4UNLV
13New Mexico St.

6Virginia Tech
11Gonzaga

3South. Illinois
14Long Beach St.

7Tennessee
10Illinois

2UCLA
15Miami (OH)

NFL Week 16 predictions

2006-12-23T13:28:00.000-05:00

Cheifs (-7 1/2) over Raiders
Rams (-2) over Redskins
Saints (+3) over Giants

Last Week: 1-2
Overall: 20-18-4

Week 15 NFL Predictions

2006-12-16T19:41:00.000-05:00

Vikings (-3 1/2) over Jets
Saints (-10) over Redskins
Rams (+2 1/2) over Raiders

Last Week: 2-1
Overall: 19-16-4

NFL Week 14 Predictions

2006-12-07T20:06:00.000-05:00

Titans (pick) over Texans
Seahawks (-3 1/2) over Cardinals
Saints (+7) over Cowboys

Last Week: 2-1
Overall: 17-15 -4

NFL Week 13 Predictions

2006-12-01T19:09:00.000-05:00

Saints (-7) over 49ers
Jaguars (pick) over Dolphins
Panthers (-3) over Eagles

Last Week : 2-1
Overall: 15-14-4

NFL Week 12 Predictions

2006-11-21T12:00:00.000-05:00

Dolphins (-3) over Lions
Ravens (-3) over Steelers
Panthers (-4) over Redskins

Last Week: 0-1-2
Overall: 13-13-4

NFL Week 11 Predictions

2006-11-18T15:33:00.000-05:00

Steelers (-4) over Browns
Buccaneers (-3) over Redskins
Colts (-1 1/2) over Cowboys

Last Week: 1-2
Overall: 13-12-2

NFL Week 10 Predictions

2006-11-11T17:17:00.000-05:00

Eagles (-7 1/2) over Redskins
Broncos (-9 1/2) over Raiders
Saints (+5) over Steelers

Last Week: 1-2
Overall : 12-10-2

NFL Week 9 Predictions

2006-11-04T16:47:00.000-05:00

Rams (-3) over Chiefs
Falcons (-6) over Lions
Broncos (+2 1/2) over Steelers

Last Week: 0-3
Overall: 11-8-2

NFL Week 8 Predictions

2006-10-28T14:36:00.000-04:00

Rams (+9 1/2) over Chargers
Steelers (-10) over Raiders
Panthers (-6) over Cowboys

Last Week: 2-1
Overall: 11-5-2

NFL Week7 Predictions

2006-10-21T14:41:00.000-04:00

Patriots (-6) over Bills
Colts (-9) over Redskins
Cardinals (-3) over Raiders

Last Week: 2-1
Overall: 9-4-2

NFL WEEK 6 PREDICTIONS

2006-10-14T14:44:00.000-04:00

Rams (+3) over Seahawks
Falcons (-3) over Giants
Cardinals (+11 1/2) over Bears

Last Week: 1-1-1
Overall: 7-3-2

NFL Week 5 Predictions

2006-10-06T20:25:00.000-04:00

Rams (-3) over Packers
49ers (-3 1/2) over Raiders
Steelers (+3 1/2) over Chargers

Last Week: 3-0
Overall: 6-2-1

Week 4 NFL Predictions

2006-09-30T13:17:00.000-04:00

Falcons (-7 1/2) over Cardinals
Rams (-6) over Lions
Bears (-3 1/2) over Seahawks

Last Week: 1-1-1
Overall: 3-2-1

Apparently, the Bill Maas hate is more widespread than I imagined. . .

2006-09-25T20:25:00.000-04:00

NFL Week 3 Predictions

2006-09-23T16:10:00.000-04:00

Panthers (-3) over Buccaneers
Redskins (-4) over Texans
Jaguars (+7) over Colts

Last week: 2-1

Best/Worst Sports Announcers

2006-09-17T21:03:00.000-04:00

Best Play-By-Play:

Bob Costas
Al Micheals
Jon Miller
Brad Nessler
Mike Tirico

Best Color:

Dick Vermiel
Hubie Brown
Bill Raftery
Steve Jones
Bob Brenly

Worst Play-By-Play

Joe Buck
Brent Musburger
Curt Menefee
Ron Pitts
Pam Ward

Worst Color

Dick Vitale
Bill Walton
Joe Morgan
Tim McCarver
Bill Maas

NFL week 2 predictions

2006-09-16T15:30:00.000-04:00

Colts (-14) over Texans
Saints (-3) over Packers
Rams (-3) over 49ers

How Can Briscoe High NOT Be on Probation?

2006-09-10T20:52:00.000-04:00

I've never been a fan of Nike's advertising strategy. Instead of promoting their actual products, they simply throw huge sums of cash at high-profile athletes and celebs to appear in their ads. Then they wait for the countless lemmings and posers to buy into the Nike image.

But their latest "Briscoe High" ad campaign has reached a new level of illogic. In a weak attempt to ride the coattails of "Friday Night Lights", Nike cast NFL stars Brian Urlacher, Micheal Vick, LaDanian Tomlinson, Troy Polamalu, and Matt Leinert as High School Jocks. All on the same team. They even also throw Don Shula and Urban Meyer on the coaching staff.

With this group of expensive ringers, it's inconceivable that they could lose to another High School team, right? Well believe it or not, somehow this All-Star team finds itself DOWN 14-10 late in the game!!! Needless to say, Briscoe pulls out the win in "dramatic" fashion, with the camapigns protagonist (Ryan) catching a TD pass from Tomlinson. I use the term "protagonist" in lieu of "hero", because the obvious heroes are the players on the anonymous opposing team. I mean seriously, if something like would actually happen, how could you NOT root for the colossal upset?

It's clear that Briscoe High is filled with underacheiving cheaters. So this raises a few questions:

What type of person is this campaign targeting?
What message is Nike sending?
Couldn't Nike have come up with more appropriate sports figures? . . .

2006 NFL Predictions

2006-09-07T15:45:00.000-04:00

AFC East: Miami, NE, Buffalo, NJJ
AFC North: Pittsburgh, Cincinatti, Baltimore, Cleveland
AFC South: Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Tenensee, Houston
AFC West: Kansas City, Denver, San Diego, Oakland

NFC East: Washington, NJG, Philadelphia, Dallas
NFC North: Chicago, Minnesota, Detroit, Green Bay
NFC South: Carolina, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, New Orleans
NFC West: Seattle, St Louis, Arizona, San Fran

AFCC: Miami over Indianapolis
NFCC: Carolina over Chicago
SB: Miami over Carolina

If there's one thing I know . . .

2006-08-28T20:22:00.000-04:00

it's that you NEVER trust a guy who buttons his polo shirt all the way to the top.

Hey, Gatorade wrote me back!

2006-08-23T21:10:00.000-04:00

And much to my surprise it wasnt a form letter:

Gatorade Consumer:

We're pleased that you contacted us about your favorite Gatorade Thirst Quencher, Citrus Cooler. On a positive note, this flavor hasn't been discontinued; but it's in limited distribution in the southern region of the country.

Citrus Cooler is available in the following states:

* Alabama * New Mexico

* Arkansas * North Carolina

* Florida * South Carolina

* Georgia * Tennessee

* Louisiana * Texas

* Mississippi

The bottle sizes are:

* 32 ounce - available in various convenience stores
* 64 ounce - available in grocery stores

Also, you may be interested in knowing that 20 oz Citrus Cooler is available nationally in Club stores (Sam's, BJ's, and Costco) that carry XTREMO variety packs - 8 each of Electro Mango, Tropical Intenso, and Citrus Cooler.

Although we don't have the facilities to process individual orders for consumers, hopefully we have provided you with information that will enable you to enjoy the flavor you have been missing. We appreciate your business, and we hope you continue to enjoy Gatorade.

Cathy
Gatorade Consumer Response
---
Sadly, I live up in the Rust Belt. Maybe Ill get a wholesale club membership. Although the last time I had one, I wound up holding onto a 2 gallon tub of mayonnaise for FAR longer than I should have.

The Boredom-Killing Business

2006-08-20T13:57:00.000-04:00

Edward George Ruddy died today! Edward George Ruddy was the Chairman of the Board of the Union Broadcasting Systems and he died at eleven o'clock this morning of a heart condition! And woe is us! We're in a lot of trouble!!

So, a rich little man with white hair died. What does that got to do with the price of rice, right? And why is that woe to us?

Because you people and 62 million other Americans are listening to me right now.

Because less than 3 percent of you people read books.

Because less than 15 percent of you read newspapers.

Because the only truth you know is what you get over this tube.

Right now, there is a whole, an entire generation that never knew anything that didn't come out of this tube.

This tube is the gospel, the ultimate revelation.

This tube can make or break presidents, popes, prime ministers.

This tube is the most awesome goddamn force in the whole godless world.

And woe is us if it ever falls into the hands of the wrong people.

And that's why woe is us that Edward George Ruddy died.

Because this company is now in the hands of CCA -- the Communication Corporation of America. There's a new Chairman of the Board, a man called Frank Hackett, sitting in Mr. Ruddy's office on the 20th floor. And when the 12th largest company in the world controls the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, who knows what shit will be peddled for truth on this network.

So, you listen to me. Listen to me!

Television is not the truth. Television's a goddamn amusement park. Television is a circus, a carnival, a traveling troupe of acrobats, storytellers, dancers, singers, jugglers, sideshow freaks, lion tamers, and football players.

We're in the boredom-killing business.

So if you want the Truth, go to God.

Go to your gurus.

Go to yourselves!

Because that's the only place you're ever gonna find any real truth.

But, man, you're never gonna get any truth from us. We'll tell you anything you wanna hear. We lie like hell. We'll tell you that Kojak always gets the killer and that nobody ever gets cancer at Archie Bunker's house. And no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don't worry. Just look at your watch. At the end of the hour, he's gonna win. We'll tell you any shit you want to hear.

We deal in illusions, man. None of it is true!

But you people sit there, day after day, night after night -- all ages, colors, creeds.

We're all you know!

You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here!

You're beginning to think that the tube is reality and that your own lives are unreal.

You do whatever the tube tells you --

You dress like the tube.

You eat like the tube.

You raise your children like the tube.

You even think like the tube.

This is mass madness, you maniacs!

In God's name, you people are the real thing.

We are the illusion!

So turn off your television sets. Turn them off now! Turn them off right now! Turn them off and leave them off. Turn them off right in the middle of this sentence I'm speaking to you now.

Turn them off!!

The Miracle of Modern Marketing

2006-08-15T19:50:00.000-04:00

I wrote an email to the suits at Gatorade (owned by Quaker Co (owned by PepsiCo)), requesting they bring back my favorite flavor: Citrus Cooler

Not only was it my favorite, but it was also the favorite flavor of former Gatorade pitchman Michael Jordan. Since it promotes itself as a "Sports Drink", it would seem completely illogical that Gatorade would discontinue offering the preferred flavor of THE GREATEST ATHLETE IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS. Tons of athletes, gym junkies, and posers would drink this flavor based on this fact alone. That would translate into Fierce sales of the product; the revenue would come Raining in.

But alas, the braintrust at Gatorade has continued to peddle gimmicks periodically in the same manner Domino's churns out types of specialty pizza.

This marketing point is especially significant now since Jordan's 3rd Air Apparent (LBJ) a Powerade flavor named after him. Appropriate enough: a Bootleg Jordan associated with a Bootleg Gatorade.

In scouring the web, the closest thing I found to an explanation was that the Citrus Cooler flavor may have been too close to Mango flavor. If that were the case, between the two, it'd be obvious that youd have to cut Mango. Having the name of an actual fruit as the flavor is blatantly lying to the consumer. It removes the suspension of disbelief. The "Mango" flavor was formulated in a factory off the NJ turnpike. Everyone who drinks it knows that Gatorade does not contain fruit juice. That's why the flavor names are especially vague:

Orange: Just describes the color
Lemon-Lime: Ditto, combine yellor with green
Fruit Punch: Neither Punch nor Fruit are expected
Tropical: 'nuff said
Grape: What else are you going to call purple Gatorade
Cool Blue: At least Gatorade didnt resort to calling its obscenely artifically colored Blue flavor "Blueberry" like Mystic did.

Citrus Cooler fits the bill. Keep Mango with Nantucket Nectars and the other real Fruit Juice makers.

Here's why I'm not a big fan of the medical industry. .

2006-08-10T20:25:00.000-04:00

During a home improvement project, I notice my finger (left pinky) begin to feel stiff and pained. It gets stuck when I try to make or release a fist. Since I dont have a "doctor" per se, I go to the nearest Urgent Care center on 7/15.

The UC Doctor diagnoses it possible arthritis and prescribes 2400mg of ibuprofen a day. (an Advil tablet has 200mg) He also refers me to a general practitioner, who would then refer me to a hand specialist. The closest appoitment available was 8/4.

I show up, wait about an hour, and an assistant takes my weight, blood pressure, etc. She notices my BP is high (around 150/90). I mention that Ive never had high BP before, and it probably has to do with the medication, or the stress of finding out I might have arthritis.The doctor prescribes hydroclorozidone to decrease my BP. He gives me an "EKG" test, and recommends a follow up appointment to take an "Echo" test, and make me drop my pants, touch my balls and stick his finger up my ass. . . . . . . . .I mean a physical.

As for the finger, he puts a splint on it as if it were a sprain. Even though I explain it only gets better after I move my finger around, and that its feels the worst when its stays in the same position for a long period of time. He gives me a card for a hand specialist, and advises me to call him if Im not feelling better in a week.

After a couple days, I remove the splint, and predicably feel excruciating pain when try to move the finger. I set up an appointment with the specialist for 8/10 (today) at 9:45.

I arrive at 9:45.

I wait an hour in the waiting room, before the nurst brings me bak to an exam room.

I wait another hour in that room, and consider bailing. I bailed out on an ear/nose/throat doctor after a one hour wait. But in that case, my ear infection has pretty much cleared up between the weeks I made my appointment and the day I showed up. Plus, they never took my insurance info, so they couldnt bill me. But my fingers condition isnt going to clear up. I gain nothing by splitting. They've got me by the proverbial balls. Just like that other doctor will in a month. So I wait.

Hand Specialist finally shows up. I explain the situation. He says it's not arthritis or a sprain. He gives me a medical term (which I forgot) but the layman term is "trigger finger". He gives me a cortisone shot, confident that it should do the job.

So there you have it. One problem. Three Doctors. Three diagnoses.

I figured I was out of the woods with these glorified charlatans. But then I remembered about the physical.

[heavy sigh]

Why haven't they promoted this movie???

2006-08-09T19:16:00.000-04:00

It's a can't miss formula; this rare gem features an SNL alum acting foolishly, and is filled with sophmoric gags that would appeal to juvenilles, working-class stiffs, and the rest of the easily entertained. And since it features a popular spectator sport, its a "wonder" why ESPN and the other sports channels wouldn't plaster it over the screen every chance they had. Or even on top of that, do a mock "Sportscentury" episode, featuring the lead character. If I were running Sony/ Columbia, I'd do everything in my power to stuff this thing down the public's throat. Hell, I'd even hire David Manning as ESPN's film critic.

If only I had learned of this cinematic masterpiece before, I wouldn't have spent the last three months playing online no-limit Virtual Jenga.

Tuesday Evening QB - Week 15

2005-12-20T21:14:00.000-05:00

After the Vikes lost their first game in seven weeks, Mike Tice illustrated what type of leader he is. The perpetrator of "Scalpgate", Tice criticized Minnesota season ticket holders for selling their stubs to Steeler fans:

"Maybe, in their defense, they sold the tickets when ... we were 2-5. Maybe they said, 'The heck with it, I'm not going to that.' Maybe that's the case. Or maybe Pittsburgh fans are just a little more diehard than our fans are."

Tice also complained about the lack of a crucial element of home field advantage: blatant abuse of Jumbotron(tm) replays on close calls:

"We don't get help at home on the video board at all. . . We've tried to make it so simple to give them instruction: 'Look, if you think it's going to help us, show it. If you think it's going to hurt us, don't show it.'"

Lombardi could not have said it better himself. Oh Mike, you are a classic.

Beauty Queen. Sports Fan. Millionaire.

2005-12-13T19:07:00.000-05:00

Mondy Evening QB - Week 14

2005-12-12T19:35:00.000-05:00

Yet another cruise control victory over a lackluster team. Yes, the Vikes D managed six turnovers, but they were playing against a 7th round draft pick rookie. The real test comes next Sunday when they take on a playoff caliber team in the Steelers. But then again, the other NFC "contenders" didnt look impressive on Sunday either:

Eli and the Giants needed OT to beat the Eagles, who were without T.O., McNabb, Westbrook, Frey, Henley AND Walsh.
The Cowboys were one play away from losing to K.C. at home.
Duh Bears were humbled by the aforementioned Steelers.
Seattle didnt prove much by beating up the worst team in the NFC in their home stadium. The same 49er team they almost lost to a few weeks ago.
The NFC South teams keep beating up on each other. So that's a tough read.

Here's the clutch kicker watch for Week 14:

Tynes missed a mid-range FG that wouldve sent the KC-Cowboy game into OT.
Kris Brown completely shanked a short FG that wouldve sent the Tennesee-Houston game into OT.
Bironas from Houston hit a short FG that put Tennesee up by three with :15 left.
Graham hit one the beat the Browns by three.
Feely actually made a clutch FG to beat the Eagles in OT.
Longwell hit one in OT to beat the Lions.

Edinger is still 3-3 when the game is on the line.

Tuesday Evening QB - Week 13

2005-12-06T18:26:00.000-05:00

The real highlight of the game was seeing Ford Field security chase and assault a fan that was holding a "Fire Millen" sign. Nice to see the Lions fans are finally starting to realize the heart of the problem. Too bad it was after West Coast(tm) Matt was given a contract extension.

Over the past five years, the Millen regime has assembled a 20-56 record, the worst in the NFL. Worse than Arizona. Worse than Clevleand. Worse than the expansion team in Houston. In that period, Detroit has changed head coaches, playcallers, QB's, receivers, and other personnel multiple times. There have only been 2 constants. And sorry West Coast(tm) Matt, but you cannot blame this on Jason Hanson.

In comparison, the five years prior to Millen taking over saw the Lions accumulate a 36-44 record with 2 playoff appearances. Nothing exciting, but at least it was respectable. The main criticism of those teams was that they'd always lose in the playoffs. Well, I guess West Coast(tm) Matt took care of that problem.

Of course, I forsaw this debacle early on. After the first game of the Millen era as a matter of fact: a 28-6 loss at Lambeau. The game result itself was predictable, but the aftermath was not. Although the enitire team struggled, Millen and his fellow West Coast(tm) Stooge Marty Moronwhig, put the loss on the incumbant QB, Charlie Batch. The argument was that poor Charlie couldnt grasp the intricacies of the West Coast(tm) Offense. They benched Charlie after ONE GAME, and replaced him with noted West Coast(tm) Expert Ty Detmer. Whereas Batch's start was in arguably the toughest venue for a visitor to play, Ty was set up to take his first starts against the hapless Cowboys and pitiful Browns.

Well, then 9-11 hit. The Cowboy game was moved to the end of the season. So West Coast(tm) Expert Ty Detmer's first start was in Cleveland. The good news for the Lions was that it was a modern-day NFL record setting performance. But it wasnt the type of record to be proud of. Ty threw seven interceptions in the 24-14 loss. SEVEN INT's against a team that had been 3-13 the previous season.

Needless to say, these two games set the tone for the rest of the season, as well as West Coast(tm) Matt's tenure.

Batch may have been the first patsy, but he wasnt the last. The next one was Moronwhig. Harrington's been the scapegoat the past couple years. Now Mariucci has taken the fall. And with all this, West Coast(tm) Matt gets a contract extension for doing the following:

vastly overpaying for mediocre FA receivers Bill Schroeder and Az Hakim.
drafting a QB early in the first round without providing a veteran QB to mentor him.
drafting underacheiving WR's in the early first round for three straight years
calling Johnny Morton a "faggot"

Well, I guess it's not so bad. After all, I am a Vikings fan.

Speaking of which, now that a lot of people are jumping on the Viking bandwagon, there's one thing that everyone should keep in mind:

The Vikings are 6-0 vs teams with losing records, but only 1-5 vs teams with winning records.

So let's just keep it real, people.

SCUMBAG

2005-12-01T22:10:00.000-05:00

Sunday Evening QB - Week 12

2005-11-27T20:55:00.000-05:00

Ho-hum victory over a ho-hum team.

Elsewhere in the NFL, the Giants and the Pack continue to make me look like a genius.

NY blew it in Seattle. J Feeley missed three Game-winning field goal attempts. Makes me grateful that we have Edinger, who is 3-for-3 when the game is on the line. Eli Manning still has only one road victory on his resume (against Rodeo Cody's '9ers). The highlights were seeing Jeremy Rocker and Gap-toof Strahan prematurely celebrating seperate FG misses. Looks like Feeley is gonna be the butt of a lot of jokes this week.

The Pack got beat by Mike Mcmahon and the Eagles. That means he's been beaten by the last 3 Lions QB's during this season alone (Harrington, Batch, and McMahon). Classic Farve moment in the 4th quarter. Down by 5, Brett heaved the ball up for grabs, and was picked by the Eagles Rod Hood. But it was negated by a BS roughing-the-passer call. Farve was aleardy falling down on his own after heaving it up, and was contacted by an Eagle as he was going down. Anyone not named Farve or Manning draws no call. But it didnt matter. Brett heaved it up again a few plays later, and was intercepted again by Hood. This time it counted. I guess Brett REALLY wants Reggie Bush.

Houston blew a 10-point lead with under 1 minute left in the game. No wonder they only have one win.
The Bengals lit up the Ravens D for 42 points. Nevertheless, the ESPN PrimeTime highlights of the game still included a Slime Time interception. He fumbled the ball at the end of the return. I thought that his grip wouldve gotten tighter after he got rid of his Jheri Curls, but whatever.
During the Sunday Night game, I just heard Theiseman say Jim Haslett (of the 2-8 Saints) should be NFL coach of the year.
Speaking of the ESPN ex-jock morons, Mike Irvin was busted again for drug possession. You know, I never wouldve guessed it after listening to his articulate insightful analysis every week.

Tuesday Evening QB - Week 11

2005-11-22T21:37:00.000-05:00

What comes around, goes around. The last 4 Viking-Packer games have been decided by last second field goals. Last year, it was Farve leading the Pack to game winning drives. This year, the tables are turned. Daunte did in the dome, and Brad Johnson outdueled Farve in Lambeau.

The same Brad Johnson that has won exactly as many Super Bowl rings as Farve.

Now dont get me wrong. Brett deserves all the accolades for what he did earlier on in his career, but he also deserves criticism for all the terrible decisions he has made since then. Lets face it: His career has been in a downward spiral since 1997. The Pack failed to make the NFC Championship game since that year. His numbers have steadily deteriorated. And who (besides the Farve worshippers) can forget his playoff meltdowns against the Rams, the Eagles, and the Vikings? Yet he continues to get a free pass from all the neanderthal ex-jock NFL "analyts". Well, since they don't have the guts to tell the truth, I guess it's up to me!

Hey Brett, look up here. . . .

THROW IN THE TOWEL BECAUSE YOU ARE WASHED UP

Things I learned by watching South Park

2005-11-17T18:49:00.000-05:00

-gerbiling
-metrosexuals
-ginger kids
-scientology

The ironic thing is that the first 3 items are real things I thought they just made up. And the last one was something I had heard of, but turns out to be made up too.

LONG LIVE XENU

Sunday Evening QB - Week 10

2005-11-13T20:08:00.000-05:00

Ive felt many emotions after Vikings games: Rage. Depression. Ecstacy. Relief. But after Edinger nailed that 48 yarder thru the uprights, I laughed out loud. Watching the Vikings steal this game that they had ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS WINNING, was like watching a classic Chappelle skit.

Even funnier was watching Tice describe the defense's performance as "outstanding." The unit gave up over 400 yards, and a game tying TD drive in the 4th Quarter. But when compared to the completely inept performance of the offense, the D didn't look that bad:

11 first downs
137 total yards
21 rushing attempts for 12 yards
2 drives over 20 yards
1 scoring drive
3 points (compared to the D's 7 and special teams' 14)

Yup, this offense is really flourishing now that Daunte is gone.

Nevertheless, history was made today. The first time an NFL team returned an interception, kickoff and punt for TD's in the same game. It reminds me of a Vikes-Ravens game where there were 3 kickoff returns TD's in the first half.

And this could not have happened to a better team than the NY Giants. Whenever a NYC/NJ team puts together a string of wins, the national press fawns all over them. And this year's Giants are no exception. With their bottom-feeding 6-2 record, the Giants became the chic pick to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl. This despite the following:

Their only road win came against Rodeo Cody Pickett and the SF 49ers.
They had yet to face the 4-time defending division champion Eagles.
Thier QB has had a completion ratio hovering around 50%.

Unfortunately for rational NFL fans, Eli has already acheived the "unblamable" level by the press. It took Peyton and Farve a couple full season reach that plateau. Eli on the other hand has done it while assembling a "Boller-esque" resume:

7-9 as a starter (Boller is 14-13)
has a career completion % of 50% (Boller 55%)
Passer rating of 72 (Boller 68)
21 TD's/18 INT's (Boller 20/24)

You could make quite a comparison between the Bush and Manning families. Underacheiving Patriarch mired in mediocrity. Big Brother appears great and gets a ton of credit, but doesnt really perform when it matters most. Lil Brother just gets by riding big bro' and daddy's coattails.

Gingervitis

2005-11-10T18:49:00.000-05:00

Brought on by South Park Epsiode 911. I never knew pale red-headed freckled children were referred to as "Ginger Kids". At first, I thought it was just a fabrication of the minds of Matt and Trey & Co. (a la Crab People). But to my surprise, "Ginger Kids" were every bit as culturally established as "Metrosexuals". I'd say the opening scene was the highlight of the episode. And it's great to see Clyde getting some exposure. He really is the unsung hero of the show.

I cant say that Ginger Kids ever freaked me out, but the ones I went the school with were bratty. The one that came at the end of Diffrent Strokes was pretty annoying too. Same with that Problem Child that undoubtedly took some years of John Ritter's life. Opie wasn't bad, though. I'd say the only really creepy ginger kid is this one.

Speaking of creepy, I'm looking forward to learning more about the dreaded "Others" from Lost next week. They've gotta be pretty nasty to scare the shit out of Adebisi and the chick from Girlfight. Speaking of Simon, it's still a little weird to see him and Wheelchair Guy together on a different show. I mean if they have to be together, shouldn't it be on Law & Order: South Pacific? Isn't L&O where all OZ actor's go (since they cant go to heaven)?

Prediction #1:

At least 1 of the "Others" will turn out to be a turncoat Oceanic airline passenger.

Aside from this being a golden plot twist, it's very plausible. Think about it: If the "Others" threatened to kill you unless you joined them in killing your fellow airline passengers, what would keep you from accepting? What bond did these airline passengers have before the crash? Outside of their loved ones, none.

Wayne Brady makes Paul Mooney look like Arsenio Hall

2005-11-07T19:14:00.001-05:00

"I'm Bryant Gumbel, Bitch!"

Somehow I don't think we'll ever hear that phrase uttered. Yet the articulate, multi-talented, Wayne Brady (who BTW, is ABSOLUTELY ADORED by white people) pulled off his own version with aplomb.

Every Chappelle fan has their own favorite sketches. Clayton Bigsby. Trading Spouses. Playa-Hata's Ball. Without question, my favorite is Training Day. From the moment we hear "Riverside, Muthafuckas!" to "I'm Wayne Brady, Bitch!", it's an unforgettable classic.

Think about it. Who else could pull that sketch off with such unforeseen impact? Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor couldve done the street-thug parts in their respective primes, but neither ever came off as non-threataning as Wayne. Bernie Mac's a possibility, but he couldnt have performed the Dionne Warwick song right before killing the cop.

Of course, that Chappelle episode began with Dave arguing with network execs and cutting off ties with his own show. Wayne took over as replacement host, and the show didnt miss a beat. After all, Wayne Brady is funny AND likable.

Today, Dave is in hiatus, and Chappelle's Show tragically may very well follow in the footsteps of Frank's Place. Network Execs are scrambling to find programming that can fill the gap of this huge void. The best theyve done so far is a Latino version of the Chappelle formula, with some dollarstore Paul Rodriguez just repeating the word "Beaner" every 2 minutes. (Apparently, "Beaner" is a term used to insult Latinos.) If they were just going to do a latin ripoff of a show, why couldnt it have been Sabado Gigante?

If the Comedy Central execs were actually familiar with the concept of comedy, they would do the obvious thing: Give Wayne Brady his own show. After his masterpiece performance, is there a Chappelle fan in the world that wouldnt watch it? At the very least, they'd stick around a few weeks to check if Dave would make a cameo. Outside of the historic irony, they'd be giving a half-hour slot to someone who has:

charm
improv skills
musical ability (song and dance)
acting experience
ability to do impersonations
unparallelled comedic range

Granted, he's no Colin Quinn or Graham Norton but still . . . .

Within the last few years, the following hacks/"comedians" have been given late night talk shows:

Jimmy Kimmel
Adam Carolla
Craig Ferguson
DL Hughley

When CBS held their on-air open auditions for Late Late Show host, Ferguson narrowly beat out Hughley and Micheal Ian Black for the position. This would be Hollywood's equivalent of narrowly beating out Marty Mornighweg and Art Shell for an NFL head coaching position.

Hughley is best known for his short lived ABC sitcom, and as one of the Original Kings of Comedy that wasnt Bernie Mac. OKC is a ridiculously pretentious title. Similar to calling the Backstreet Boys the Original Godfathers of HipHop. Oh well, they call New Jersey the Garden State, so I guess I shouldnt complain.

Apparently, Black has spent the past few year's being Mel Karmazin's #1 buttboy. How else to explain this talentless perv's knack for continually popping up in failed sketch comedy shows on Comedy Central and MTV? He's also constantly seen in VH1's I love the 70/80/90's etc, repeatedly attempting to make witty remarks. And failing miserably.

Kimmel and Carolla, or course had the Masterbatorial Cavalcade Man Show. Outside of the obligatory TnA, highlights included Carolla urinating on someone's wallet, and Kimmel dry-humping a monkey.

Anyone else seeing a pattern here?

After catching pieces of Fox Reality's month long Last Comic Standing decathlon, I couldnt help but noticing how talentless and UNFUNNY these people were. And that includes the show's host/pimp Jay Mohr. Isn't it ironic that many comedians are some of the most miserable and wretched people in the world:

Bill Maher
Richard Lewis
Chris Rock
David Spade
Rosanne
Margaret Cho
Janeane Garafolo

I suppose I could go on, but my point's been made. TV comedy is filled with talentless hacks who pretend to be funny and entertaining. All the more reason someone positive and talented like Wayne Brady deserves his own show. Bitch.

Initial Entry

2005-11-06T22:29:00.000-05:00

Why not give this a shot?